Vigorous writing is concise. A sentence should contain no unnecessary words, a paragraph no unnecessary sentences, for the same reason that a drawing should have no unnecessary lines and a machine no unnecessary parts. This requires not that the writer make all his sentences short, or that he avoid all detail and treat his subjects only in outline, but that he make every word tell.
Many expressions in common use violate this principle:
| the question as to whether | whether (the question whether) |
| there is no doubt but that | no doubt (doubtless) |
| used for fuel purposes | used for fuel |
| he is a man who | he |
| in a hasty manner | hastily |
| this is a subject which | this subject |
| His story is a strange one. | His story is strange. |
In especial the expression the fact that should be revised out of every sentence in which it occurs.
| owing to the fact that | since (because) |
| in spite of the fact that | though (although) |
| call your attention to the fact that | remind you (notify you) |
| I was unaware of the fact that | I was unaware that (did not know) |
| the fact that he had not succeeded | his failure |
| the fact that I had arrived | my arrival |
See also under case, character, nature, system in Chapter V.
Who is, which was, and the like are often superfluous.
| His brother, who is a member of the same firm | His brother, a member of the same firm |
| Trafalgar, which was Nelsonβs last battle | Trafalgar, Nelsonβs last battle |
As positive statement is more concise than negative, and the active voice more concise than the passive, many of the examples given under Rules 11 and 12 illustrate this rule as well.
A common violation of conciseness is the presentation of a single complex idea, step by step, in a series of sentences or independent clauses which might to advantage be combined into one.
| Macbeth was very ambitious. This led him to wish to become king of Scotland. The witches told him that this wish of his would come true. The king of Scotland at this time was Duncan. Encouraged by his wife, Macbeth murdered Duncan. He was thus enabled to succeed Duncan as king. (51 words.) | Encouraged by his wife, Macbeth achieved his ambition and realized the prediction of the witches by murdering Duncan and becoming king of Scotland in his place. (26 words.) |
| There were several less important courses, but these were the most important, and although they did not come every day, they came often enough to keep you in such a state of mind that you never knew what your next move would be. (43 words.) | These, the most important courses of all, came, if not daily, at least often enough to keep one under constant strain. (21 words.) |
This rule refers especially to loose sentences of a particular type, those consisting of two co-ordinate clauses, the second introduced by a conjunction or relative. Although single sentences of this type may be unexceptionable (see under Rule 4), a series soon becomes monotonous and tedious.
An unskilful writer will sometimes construct a whole paragraph of sentences of this kind, using as connectives and, but, so, and less frequently, who, which, when, where, and while, these last in non-restrictive senses (see under Rule 3).
The third concert of the subscription series was given last evening, and a large audience was in attendance. Mr. Edward Appleton was the soloist, and the Boston Symphony Orchestra furnished the instrumental music. The former showed himself to be an artist of the first rank, while the latter proved itself fully deserving of its high reputation. The interest aroused by the series has been very gratifying to the Committee, and it is planned to give a similar series annually hereafter. The fourth concert will be given on Tuesday, May 10, when an equally attractive programme will be presented.